Real Love: Giving for a Better Life

***voting has ended*** thanks to everyone who did vote!

Recently, I went on an almost week long trip away from my home, away from my husband, and away from my kids. 5 days straight! It was wonderful. I got to visit my brother and sister in law, see my new niece who is soooo adorable, and spend some me time.

But there was a down side to this separation.

It was almost unbearable leaving my kids.

*prepare for information overload*

I attended Photocamp Utah and the whole family drove down and stayed with G'ma and G'pa in Utah. Cory couldn't take all week off from work to watch the kids, so we asked G'ma to watch them while I was gone. Great idea, huh?! She was so awesome to do that for us.

All was fine, until I was told they would stay with G'ma in Utah for 5 mom, no dad for 5 days. I instantly became overloaded with tears and emotions. I bawled for an hour straight and couldn't catch my breath to talk to my worried husband who just held me and sat there while I drenched his shirt in tears. I didn't know what I was so emotional about and then it hit me.

All the feelings and emotions from being taken away from my birth mom and living in an orphange at the age of 6, being adopted into a complete strangers home far away, and all the memories of way back then were hitting me like a ton of bricks. The exact feelings and emotions I DID NOT want my kids to feel in any way whatsoever. Period. Not even an ounce of pain and hurting, of feeling abandonment, or any question thereof. If I had to stay home so they didn't and couldn't feel a sliver of what I felt, I was ready to forego my pass to a much needed break.

G'ma agreed to come to our house and watch the kids. I was so relieved to hear that they would at least see dad on a daily basis. My stress level depreciated rapidly, and I went on my trip to Montana.

After this incident, or total breakdown really, I thought long and hard, and in my sleep, of how I could take this experience I went through and do something with it. Really do something. First, I though about going to see a hypnotist to tell me about my past I had forgotten, then I contemplated seeing this lady who can read your past (whom I always thought was a fake), yes I was desperate to figure out my past. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the answer is not in finding out about my past so long ago, but to take that experience and try to help those in similar circumstances, those that my heart ache for.

My goal in life, probably when the kids are grown and on their own, is this:

"Name Your Dream Assignment" will help one winner carry out their photographic dreams. One winner will have a chance in a lifetime to help others. One winner will have a chance to change the world. One. That winner will be picked according to the number of votes their dream assignment receives. I invite you to read my Goal, my Wish, my Dream. If you like it, I'd really appreciate your vote. I also encourage you to read what other photographers Dream Assignment's are. There are many great ones to vote for!

I know there's a slim chance of winning, but just putting it down in writing has helped me out a lot emotionally, as I never knew my feelings were so deeply rooted.

This has been the most intensive, emotional post yet. If you didn't know me before, I bet you have an idea now...thanks for taking an interest :) It really took a LOT to write this...and I'm having a hard time hitting the "publish" button....


Debbie Rossmiller said...

Jen! I just found your website through Chris's facebook. It's great! I am truly impressed with your work and I love your blog.

Jen Olsen said...

Hi Debbie! I'm so glad you found me :) ...and more so that you like my work. Thanks for commenting!

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE AMAZING! Keep being you, Girl! =)


Cindy said...

you're such an amazing mother! i'm so proud of your talent. Miss the olsenfam4. Hugs and Kisses to everyone.

Mary said...

Jen, what beautiful thoughts, it was fun spending time with you at photocamp! What amazing pics of your family, you are truly gifted! I hope all your photographic dreams come true!

Stormy Aitken said...

Oh my goodness. How could I not vote for you? Best of luck!